3rd-Party Reproduction Initiative – Inclusive Medical History Initiative
Lori Metz Psychotherapist Manhattan New York

Self-Advocacy Tools

We can all use tips, tools, and resources to assist us on our journey.

We all know that life can get stressful; sometimes, it creeps up on you, and sometimes, it is associated with an event. Knowing Advocacy Day can be stressful, we wanted to provide you with five types of stress reduction tips and hope you find one or two of these methods works for you.

Tips to calm:

We all know that life can get stressful; sometimes, it creeps up on you, and sometimes, it is associated with an event. Knowing Advocacy Day can be stressful, we wanted to provide you with five types of stress reduction tips and hope you find one or two of these methods works for you. 

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is the awareness that arises through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, nonjudgmentally, with curiosity and openness to help in self-awareness and wisdom. It is a way of being fully present.

Many mindfulness exercises can be done at any moment. The practice is best when you:

  1. Set time aside and a bit of space (physically or mentally).
  2. Observe the present moment (try it when eating a raisin, taste it, feel the texture, and consider the consistently)
  3. Be nonjudgmental; if you notice judgment, be curious as to why
  4. Then, when ready, go back to observing 
  5. Being able to bring yourself back to the practice is normal. Your mind will wonder, be kind as you return to observing to the present.

Self-talk

The most powerful words you hear are those you tell yourself. Negative self-talk can lead to increased stress, lower self-esteem, and decreased ability to see situations clearly. Changing negative self-talk can enhance the quality of your life. A way to make this shift is as follows:

  1. When you notice your mind wandering to negative self-talk talk, that is the first step.
  2. Be kind to yourself as you say “thoughts are not facts”. Ask yourself why you are having this thought, explore it with interest.
  3. If negative thoughts are frequent, name your inner critic and call it out for wreaking havoc.
  4. Time how long you will allow yourself to engage in the thought and then shift to something kind(er).
  5. Consider changing the language you use when you talk with yourself; for example, change “This is awful” to “this is challenging.”
  6. Ask yourself what you would tell a friend.
  7. Consider saying it out loud – it can remind you of how mean or untrue it can be.
  8. Some people stop the thought by hitting their hand, snapping a rubber band, or anything jarring to recognize you will not accept it.
  9. Replace the negative thought with a positive one and repeat it until you feel comfortable accepting it and integrating it into your thought process. 
  10. Some find combining journaling helpful too.

Breathing

Why does everyone always suggest breathing? There are two main reasons, (while there are many more). First, your breath is something that is always with you. Second, it is proven to calm you physically and mentally. I love some of the longer breathing, mindful exercises but believe the quick ones are easier to integrate into your life. Here are 3.

Below are a few easy breathing exercises to try when you begin to recognize your body tense or recognize you would benefit from taking a moment. I hope one or two will work for you.

1. Deep breathing: it’s the most familiar and best when used as follows:

Slowly count to 1 and breathe in through your nose, 2 on the exhale through your nose, and then repeat. Increasing the count will increase relaxation.

2. Box Breath Box breathing is something many of us have heard about; I like the 3-second breath, especially for pregnant women.

  • With your eyes in a comfortable position (closed, downward gaze, or open)
  • Breathe in for 3 seconds
  • Hold for 3 seconds
  • Breathe out for 3 ½ or 4 seconds,
  • Rest in between breath for 3 seconds
  • Please note – the out-breath calms the nervous system, so it feels good to take a bit more time.
  • This can also be done in 4-second intervals as well.

3. Belly breath: breathing helps some, it may take a little more effort.

Have your belly fill as you breathe. Placing your hand on your belly will help guide you as you breathe in through your nose. Experience your belly expand, and then, as you slowly exhale through your mouth, feel it deflate. Repeat this a few times as your mind reaches a calmer state.

4.  Alternate nostril breathing is another ancient method that has been used for those with anxiety having a mind-body involvement.

With your right thumb, close the right nostril, then slowly and deeply inhale the left nostril and pause. Use the right ring finger to close off the left nostril and, release the thumb and exhale through the right nostril. Pause and then repeat.

5. Pause, Perspective, Proceed (the 3 Ps) – once you tune into needing a moment, when your body is tensing, your feeling emotions you prefer you were not, or things are going in circles (your thoughts, a conversation),

  • Pause, take for a moment, a breath to allow yourself
  • Perspective, an understanding of how you would like to
  • Proceed, and move forward.

6. STOP  – Deepak Chopra’s STOP exercise is something you may want to explore:

S = stop,
T = take three breaths
O = observe
P = proceed

Visualization and Daydreaming

For those feeling out of sorts with planning and considering what’s to be, I am a believer in: visualization and daydreaming as ways of helping us identifying and walking through a situation.

  • Why visualization? Well, because sometimes, if we can see what we want, we can work towards it. It is a tool used by athletes, in the military, and so many others. You probably already do it, I am just suggesting you tune into it.  There are long visualization exercises and body scans. In a conversation I had with Captain Michael King, he explains how visualization and an array of other techniques are used in training military. Visualization can help you decide on an activity. Consider that it is something we all do when we plan or anticipate what activity will be. It is a way to allow yourself to rehearse mentally.
  • Daydreaming can be an easy way for us to take ourselves out of a situation we prefer to withdraw from for a moment or longer. When used as a quick reset and refresh, it can be powerful. However, use caution since if too much time is spent daydreaming without action, we are not achieving the goal of the exercise.

Using your voice and Advocating

Being heard, being understood and able to get your point across is essential to feel recognized and confident. I’m breaking this down in a way that impacts your personal life and can be expanded to the world at large. This is a high level to consider in using your voice for what’s important to you. It can be big or small, what you want for dinner or feeding the hungry.

So how do we have our voice be heard?

  • Identify what you want, what you need, what you think, what you feel.
  • Understand why this is important to you.
  • Know who you want to communicate with (it can be one person or the world).
  • Plan how you will provide your message to others.

My advocacy has most notably included fertility.

Currently, I am working on an effort to Normalize Third Party Reproduction since everyone deserves to feel normal about how they were conceived and raised.

Resources:

Please be sure to know your sources when looking for information.

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